I would like to begin by mentioning a bit about how this became an . . .”interest” or “issue” of mine. I confess until about three years ago I was oblivious to it. Over the past few years however, I’ve been paying more attention to certain bits & pieces within our community – both in the life of my own synod and in the wider movement, that appear to contribute to, or detract from, our sense of our identity.
This installment is purely experiential – that is to say I’m drawing my conclusion based upon observation of real conversations and events with people in the community. The other posts are more . . . “ethereal” shall we say focussing on thinking and perception rather than emperical data.
One reason why I am uncomfortable with indie clergy being “half in and half out” of the movement is the simple fact that I have witnessed time and again, both in my community, and in other communities, how these folks are constantly looking over their shoulder, or “over the fence” into or at the other church. Let me offer three concrete examples that I have repeatedly witnessed over the years.
Example 1) a comment, along the lines of: “if we do this our Anglican “friends” won’t like us anymore.” Another example of this is “because of the way you celebrated that liturgy, word will get out among the other Anglicans and we wont be taken seriously anymore”
Example 2) a comment: we can’t change this liturgy/teaching because the Romans won’t approve/will be offended
Example 3) The number of newsgroup/list discussions supposedly dedicated to things OC/IC but that instead spend much of their time discussing, describing, debating the Bishop of Rome!
Now, lets talk about the examples. Mind you these are only three examples – and they are all relatively recent too.
Before I get into my themes I’d like to point out (John Plummer and others have probably already pegged it) that example 1 is hysterically funny – I’M AN EASTERNER what the hell do I care about what the Anglicans think!!!
Now that that’s out of the way. . . .
To my mind – all three of these examples point to an inhibition about truly being an indie boy or girl. When we are constantly looking over our shoulder to see if X is nodding in approval, we do not achieve the fullness of being who we are. If any of you have had the experience of an overbearing relative and the struggle of growing out from underneath the shadow of that relative’s approval/disapproval you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
There is an underlying sense of . . .fear. What I find oddly interesting about these and the many experiences like them. . .it reminds me of what it is like for some LGBT folk coming out of the proverbial closet – coming out just enough, but keeping an eye on the closet door because its safe in there. Believe me, for folks coming out of a Roman background, a tradition which has – in PR terms “cornered the market” on “catholic” I do appreciate how scary, shaky, inhibiting coming out of the ecclesiastical closet is – especially if you have a heretofore lifelong association, and most of your mentors and spiritual friends remain in that tradition.
My only comfort, my only counter to that is – in Christ there is freedom. In Christ, the bonds of fear and despair have been shattered forever. In this community – as eccentric, and sometimes wacky as we can be – you’ll find 10 friends for every 1 you may have lost because you have decided to follow the calling of your heart and convert.
Jesus said: he who takes up the plough and looks back is not fit for the kingdom – This is not a “judgement” rather it is a teaching – the idea of a plough is to push forward, to move on from X toward Y. If you take up the plough and stop all the time to look backward, you’ll never reach Y. If you take up the indie ID but spend your time looking over your shoulder – you’ll never leave the threshold, and you’ll never fully experience the joys (and the tribulations) of the indie life of faith.